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Within the African-American community there are often discussions about the relationship that sons have with their fathers. In particular there are discussions about the negative effect that absentee fathers have on their sons. While this is an important topic to dissect it is of equal value that a discussion is formulated concerning the relationship that black boys have with their single black mothers. In this video I discuss this topic while answering an email from a 31 year old African-American man who has difficulties in his relationship to his single black mother.
Even when we come into manhood our relationship to our single black mother can still impact how we see ourselves, how we relate to our wives, how we relate to children, and how we relate to society as a whole. This is why it is important that single Black mothers to do what they can to create a positive relationship with their son. In creating a positive relationship with her son, the single black woman will empower her son to become an honorable man, committed husband, and dedicated father. While this can be challenge it is by no means impossible. Even in the midst of being abandoned by his father the Black boy can still become a man; especially if the single black woman is consciously aware of how she is raising him.
When the husband abandons his wife and leaves his children there are levels of devastation that occur within the African-American community. Parental abandonment by the Black husband/father is devastating not only to the African-American mother but also to the children who are left behind. There are levels of physical devastation, emotional devastation, financially devastating, and relational devastating that can occur between the single Black mother and her children. In other words, in the aftermath of the African-American father leaving his family, the manner in which the single black mother relates and interacts with her children will change. Furthermore, the manner in which the children interact with each other will change.
Physical Devastation: Part of being a husband and father is to provide levels of physical support and physical protection for your family. When the Black man leaves his family he takes away levels of physical support and physical protection that should be provide for his wife and children. In the absence of this protection the single black mother and her children are left to fend for themselves while experiencing extreme emotional trauma.
Emotional Devastation: Part of being a husband and father is to provide levels of emotional support for your family. When the Black man leaves his family he causes extreme emotional trauma for the single black mother and for the children. This emotional trauma and pain creates issues of self-worth, self-value, and self-esteem within the psyche of the single black mother and her children.
Financial Devastation: Part of being a husband and father is to provide levels of financial support for your family. When the Black man leaves his family he causes levels of financial devastation for the single black mother and her children. This financial devastation can negatively affect the quality of the material experience of the single black mother and her children. These levels of financial devastation also contribute to the emotional devastation that the single black mother and her children experience via financial stress and suffering.
Relational Devastation: When the Black man leaves his family the manner in which the single black mother relates to her children changes and the manner in which the children relate to each other changes. Often the oldest child in the family has to compensate for all of the fatherly support that was taken out of the household when her father left. If the single Black mother has to work more hours to support the family then the oldest daughter may have to cook, clean, and take care of her siblings. The oldest male in the family may have to do the same. In such cases the way in which the children relate to each other changes. The older sister or the older brother may become surrogate parents for their younger siblings. This dynamic also changes how the children relate to the single black mother; they may no longer see the single black mother as their mother; they may see her as another sibling or as a friend.
The sons of single mothers as a financial resource, emotional resource, physical resource, intellectual resource
Childhood Family vs. Adulthood Family